We teach our children in a repetitive fashion that a person cannot have everything go their way. We struggle to instill this rule through temper tantrums, snide teenagers, and know-it-all comments. Then slowly one can see this lesson take shape as a child faces adversity or loss without the previously mentioned reactions. Good parents work hard to remind children you simply cannot win all the time, even when the tears of defeat show in their innocent eyes. Whenever two parties, both undefeated, face off in battle one of them will lose. The law of averages and human experience shows us this is true. At these times a parent instills the knowledge that loss does not mean defeat.
So I find myself surprised by the number of adults that feel they should be the exception to this very rule. It is an ironic twist that in our adulthood we scoff and stomp when events don’t play out just as we wanted. Many place blame or look for excuses.
The real question is, if you could have had everything your way throughout your life would you really want it now?
When my mother passed at a young 53 I wanted her to live. I cursed and ranted that it was horrible unfair and willed it to be a dream. I wished my mother to remain alive, in a selfish need to have her close to me, but now as time passes and the hurt recedes I know I would only be wishing for her to suffer a longer more painful end. As a result of her passing I understand loss, and can relate to and offer my love to those who experience it. I grew more spiritual and strong in my life so I could be more like her.
Now as a mother I often wish for more time to write, and sigh as time slips from my finger to indulge in my hobby. The desire to sit before a computer without the regular motherhood interruptions of, “Mom. . .” is a blissful thought. It is a thought short lived though, as take a moment to dance in my living room with little giggling girls to, Alvin and the Chipmunks. I rethink my frustration as I sit to enjoy a family dinner, and my children share their day with me.
In another thought I wonder, would I strive harder and push more to enhance my writing skills if I met with instant success the on my first book? Would new ideas and thoughts come to me if I had no criticism? If I could have published my stories with no problems or difficult mistakes, would I have learned? Maybe, but I think it would not have been so profound.
We cannot always win, for it is loss that teaches us to endure. We cannot always have our way for it is adversity the teaches to adapt. We cannot always have joy for it is sadness the teaches love.
Our trials and life battles shape us. They make us strong and wise. They make us compassionate and humble. I know if I could go back and change everything to the way I originally wanted, my life would be a chaotic mess, and I would invariably have a big ego in need of serious adjustment. Much like a two year old who is given candy each time they cry, I would have learned nothing.
There is no exception to the rule of life. We would not want it to be so even if there was. There are always passing moments in time in which we find ourselves thinking, “why me?” However they are truly fleeting moments. So hold your chin up, fight for your right to grow and learn, you will be better for it if you heed the lessons offered. From now on, I know I will look around and instead be thinking, how can I grow and enjoy this adventure called life?
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